Taking Control of Negative Events in Our Life

I can’t even believe it has been a month since I last posted on this blog. I apologize greatly for being missing in action. When we moved to Virginia from Ohio, we thought we had everything taken care of with my business and our house and right before Christmas, all of our planning fell through leaving us with a  lot of unplanned work. I’ve been going back and forth to Ohio much more frequently than I anticipated and it’s sucking up much of my time. I promise I’m not neglecting you!

But, through all of the emotional turmoil and personal things I’ve been going through, it really made me want to do a post on processing difficult situations. It seems like the last 2 months have been filled with chaos from multiple areas of my life!  I’ve written before about the emotional struggles when going gluten-free or getting a celiac disease diagnosis but I think it’s important to emphasize these feelings happen much more in our lives than we anticipate.

With everything I’ve been through in my life, I believe I’m a pretty strong person. I try to live a happy life and take things with a grain of salt, but every now and then something happens to shake me to my core. After all these years, I can say I make a pretty mean lemonade. (from all the lemons thrown at me of course!)

I want to share with you how I handle these situations.

One of the biggest challenges I faced recently was feeling betrayed by someone I trusted completely. This shook me to my core and caused feelings I haven’t had in a long time. But, what it showed me is the feelings I’ve had for this event are the same for when I was diagnosed with celiac disease, my miscarriage, realized gluten-free is for life or any other health problems I’ve discovered in the last 2 years.

We all grieve differently. Grief isn’t just something happens when someone passes away or leaves our life forever, it happens when major life changes cause us to question everything. You start to think about what you could have done differently, what you should have done or how you could have prevented the situation. For me, anxiety takes over my body for a few days and so does a somber and angry person – who frankly, I forgot existed. When I process these events, I go through the same process every time. Maybe these sound familiar?

First, I cry. I actually remember telling my husband when we first met that I “never cried.” LOL Yeah, Right.

Second, I want to be left alone. While I love and appreciate the texts, emails and messages, I really just need time to process the situation and my feelings. I also use this coping method to protect those around me because I tend to become angry and snappy while projecting my hurt onto them. I realized over the years that I just need to be alone.

Third, I process the situation. I run through the scenarios. I need to go through steps 1 and 2 to be able to effectively complete this step or else I end up with lots of irrational thoughts!

Fourth, I start planning for what’s next. I realize what is done is done and now I need to take action and move on. I need to grab the reins and start steering the horse, taking control of the situation.

And, finally, I learn from the situation. Setbacks, adversity, negative events are all a part of life. It happens to all of us. I don’t typically take the “why does this always happen to me attitude” and if I do, it doesn’t last long. If we can’t learn from our mistakes, we can never get better, never move on and never find our happy place again. We live in a world of anger and resentment with that situation controlling our lives. I don’t know about you, but I would much rather have the happy Rebecca in charge of my life instead of the Debbie Downer Rebecca.

I am fortunate to have this blog and lots of readers to share my stories with! But, I’m just one person. There are thousands of you out there who have similar stories and I think there should be a place for all of us!

In case you didn’t know, Andrew Cordova and I have a GFMagazine podcast that you can find on iTunes. We have a  bunch of episodes on there about coping and I have them on my Pretty Little Celiac podcast as well. In the last 9 months, we realized through all of the feedback from our readers that there is a need for a community to safely talk about issues like this one. A place where we can process our feelings, without feeling defeated or bullied online.

That’s when we came up with the idea for the GFree Community. We are in the pre-launch stage, but we are trying to get people who might be interested in this to sign up for more information. So far, we are thrilled at the response we’ve received already since we first started promoting it last week. Just click here to find out more and to join us!

I’m ready to start blogging again so you will see much more from me in the near future.

Rebecca